Old Flames or Mere Mind Tricks? Unveiling the Scientific Reasons Behind Missing Your Ex
Timeless Love Dilemma: The Science Behind Missing Your Ex
When it comes to love’s eternal struggles, one issue that transcends generations is undoubtedly missing an ex—a widely shared sentiment across social media. As a leading high-end matchmaking company, Bangkok Matching recognizes this as a Timeless Topic, one that continually surfaces in conversations about love, both in our personal circles and online.
But is missing an ex purely emotional, or is there a scientific explanation behind it? According to Professor Dr. Ting Ai from The University of Kansas, this phenomenon falls under a psychological concept known as nostalgia—a deep longing for past experiences, particularly those that were once emotionally fulfilling.
The Four Types of Online Perspectives on Missing an Ex
Before diving into the reasons why people tend to reminisce about past relationships, let’s first categorize the most common online opinions into four major groups. This will help you identify which category you might belong to:
1 Those Who Miss Their Ex and Want to Rekindle
This group still holds positive feelings toward their ex and wishes to go back and fix past mistakes, rewriting the ending of a familiar story. Their behavior often includes reaching out to their ex, checking up on their life, or waiting for the right moment to reconnect.
2 Those Who Went Back but Faced the Same Outcome
These individuals have already attempted to rekindle the relationship but realized that things couldn’t return to how they once were. Their experience serves as a painful reminder that while missing an ex is natural, going back may not always be the right choice.
The Science Behind Missing Your Ex: A Psychological and Neurological Perspective
The Warning Voices: “Don’t Go Back”
This group consists mainly of friends, family, or those who have witnessed the past relationship firsthand. They may also include individuals who have personally experienced the negative consequences of rekindling a past romance. Their role is to remind you of the harsh realities—that some things in a relationship cannot be undone, no matter how much we wish they could.
The Supportive Encouragers
Unlike the warning group, this category listens without judgment and offers comforting advice to those struggling with feelings of nostalgia. These could be close friends, family members, or even online communities willing to provide emotional support and thoughtful guidance.
Scientific Findings: Emotional Pain vs. Physical Pain
A groundbreaking study led by Professor Dr. Mask Underwood, a neuroscientist, examined how the brain processes heartbreak. The study involved individuals who had experienced a breakup within the past six months. Using MRI scans, researchers observed participants’ brain activity while they looked at three different images:
- A photo of their ex-partner
- A photo of a friend
- An image of a hand touching a hot surface
Key Findings:
The MRI scans revealed that two regions of the brain—the Insula and the Anterior Cingulate Cortex—showed heightened activity when participants looked at both the photo of their ex and the image of the hand in pain. However, no reaction was detected when they viewed the friend’s photo.
This study concluded that emotional pain from heartbreak is processed in the same areas of the brain as physical pain, reinforcing the idea that “missing an ex” can feel as real as physical injury.
Is “Craving Your Ex” Similar to Drug Addiction?
The overwhelming urge to reconnect with an ex can sometimes lead to unhealthy behaviors, such as persistent messaging, stalking, or pleading for reconciliation. But what drives this?
Dr. Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist, conducted an experiment with 15 individuals who exhibited obsessive behaviors toward their exes. Participants were shown pictures of their former partners while undergoing MRI scans of the brain’s reward and addiction centers.
Key Findings:
The scans revealed that the brain’s response to seeing an ex closely resembled that of drug addicts experiencing cravings. The sight of their former partner triggered dopamine release—the same “feel-good” chemical responsible for pleasure and addiction.
This explains why people cling to past relationships—their brain is recalling and craving the highs of past happiness, convincing them that rekindling the relationship will restore those feelings.
50% Psychological Conditioning, 50% Brain Chemistry
Based on these scientific insights, missing an ex is not just an emotional response—it is deeply rooted in brain function. The longing for past love is driven by the mind’s tendency to cling to memories of joy and familiarity, often distorting reality in the process.
However, it’s important to recognize that going back to a relationship that no longer serves you can trap you in a cycle of pain.
At Bangkok Matching, we encourage individuals to develop self-awareness—to understand how the brain influences emotions and to make decisions that lead to a healthier, more fulfilling future. Move forward with strength and clarity, knowing that real happiness lies ahead.
